Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize