Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
