They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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