We named our party play list daddy issues
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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