Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
