Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God, I missed his penis.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
