Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
