I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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