More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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