420 ftw
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize