just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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