Swine flu. Run for my life!
I will die if light touches me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
