its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
