11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
porn star boner night. come get it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
