I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
