holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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