So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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