Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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