It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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