doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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