I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
