I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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