can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
