non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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