How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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