my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
