***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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