Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
