I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
