I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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