I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize