So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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