Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
