The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
