are you so shy because you have an std?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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