Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Houston, we have a squirter
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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