he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
