I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize