Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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