ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
