Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
