Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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