I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
