Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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