This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
