mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize