my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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