I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
