I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
