Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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