Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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