I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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