You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
