Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
