miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
