Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
