I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
